pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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