I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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