I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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