So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
