even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We need to get me chipped asap
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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