I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
