The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
