the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
