im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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