I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize