is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
