why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
