So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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