We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
