ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
