i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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