I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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