Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
