sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
