Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize