I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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