I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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