are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
