I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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