Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
