thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
