and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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