Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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