It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
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We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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