Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
