Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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