Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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