If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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