Don't make out with my wife yet
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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