were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
