Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
