There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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