he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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