Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
