brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
