there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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