i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
