Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize