i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
