Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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