Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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