Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I want her autograph on my taint
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
