You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
