Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
