i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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