they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
