i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Someone shit on the floor
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
