i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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