Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.