What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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