I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
