Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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