There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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