We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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