I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
