Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
