she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
