I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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