I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
