I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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