ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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