I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
