One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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