you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
