Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
