I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dicks are not precious.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
