Your dad touched me again.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
