I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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