What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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