sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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