When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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